Missing Home

Tonight when I was tucking Emerson in, we were talking about Jesus and he said something to me that brought tears to my eyes and made my heart rejoice and hurt at the same time. He told me, "I miss Jesus. I want to go to Heaven."

This especially struck a chord with me after my friend and I had just had a conversation yesterday about how she'd read that 85% of Christians that would choose to remain in their lives instead of going right away to Heaven. I felt the pang of guilt identifying with that majority. I love my life. Not my schedule, my house, the clothes I wear, or my hobbies. Loving life to me is my friends and family. They are what would keep me from wanting to walk through those pearly gates right now. The struggle is what I love most about my life is causing me to sin. My innocent 6 year old son has such a love for Jesus in his heart that he longs for Him. And while it gives me indescribable joy to think of Emerson being safe and perfect in Heaven, it also pains me to a level I can't fathom to think about my son's life being over. Again his childlike faith shined a light on my own short-comings. I should be missing Jesus like that! I should be anxiously awaiting his return. I should be hoping it's very soon so I can be in the arms of my Savior. And while I do want to be with Jesus, my eyes are not always on Him when they're looking elsewhere. I procrastinate, and busy myself with other work besides what God has commanded me to do. I grieve as much as I celebrate when a loved one goes to Heaven. I routinely put my friends, my family, and especially my kids and husband between myself and God. Even though I know, God wants to be first. Always.

A family in our community lost their 14 year old son 8 days ago in an accident. And while I didn't know this family personally, it really hit me hard to pray for his mother. For every mother who has walked in her shoes. We say things like, "if there's anything good about this, it's that he's in Heaven." Those words are antiseptic for our pain in a time of deep suffering. Holding on to the promises that God has given us has helped me through times of loss. But my sons? The tiny babies who I watched take their first breaths on this Earth? To lose them would result in a devastating earthquake in my life, and my faith. But hearing those words from Emerson tonight changed something for me. 

We are like the orphans in this broken world. We get discouraged, afraid, and lonely while we are waiting for our Father to bring us Home. Even though it is not meant to be all there is for us, we cling to the only life we know. We must embrace that our home in Heaven won't be a consolation prize after life on Earth. It will be a perfect place for rejoicing, reunion and most of all - deep, encompassing, eternal love. Let us love our children while we have them, and prepare them for eternity, so they will not be afraid of death. So they keep Almighty God first in their hearts and are eager for their "Gotcha Day" when they meet their Father in Heaven.

Welcome Home

Everywhere I glance, 

I see a loving face

My troubles are behind me

I won't need them in this place.

My body no longer hurts me, 

It is filled with gleaming light

I answer to a different name

Even new, it sounds just right.

I linger in the presence 

of my Savior's Amazing Grace

Like a friend He greets me

A smile on His face.

My old life was the beginning

In my last moment, I turned new

And I found this soul's longing

My Heaven, God, is with You.

Pam