Backseat Driver

Since we've made the decision to adopt, we're often asked why we are adopting, or why internationally? Scott and I fumble for answers that could sort of make sense conversationally to give to people, but as I hear myself speak the words, "It's something we felt we should do." or "We pictured having a bigger family." or even, "I can't quite explain why." the words don't sound right to me. They aren't the truth. 

The reason why we are adopting is because God asked us to. He first asked me. I asked Scott. Scott said not now. God asked me again. I brought it up to Scott, he still wasn't sold. God asked me again, and (perhaps even slightly frustrated) I started to pray for my husband to have his heart opened to love an orphan. And, as sassy as this sounds, I even entertained the thought, "Ok God, why don't you ask him!?" 

While I am now full of joy that being obedient to the Lord brings, and I can feel the love for my daughter growing even though 3 months ago I had no idea she'd ever be a part of my family, I can say with certainty that I was not the one steering when we ended up on this road. Neither was Scott. We did not have a struggle with infertility that landed us here, no longing to connect to Eastern European culture (I had to look Bulgaria up on a map), we are in the years of "parenting boys is not for the faint of heart" so we will both certainly have our work cut out for us when it comes to raising a 15 year old daughter who doesn't speak very much English. There were reasons for us to say no, not now, how come, why us? But for the first time, maybe ever in my life, I just said yes and trusted God with the details. God did, by the way, finally ask Scott too, and I hope He laughed off my temper tantrum.:) As a couple we said yes and got into the backseat of the car/plane/submarine whatever metaphorical vehicle that God drives and we get to say yes the rest of this amazing journey and trust Him to meet our needs and bring our daughter home safely. The good news is that it gets easier every time.

My own stubborn will, laziness, pride, whatever sin d'jour occasionally makes an obstacle in the way, and I don't want to bail, but I want to tell God to hurry up, take a short cut, or blow through a few lights. But I must remember: God knows exactly where He's going and we'll arrive at just the right time. I hope this post will serve as a reminder to re-examine what I know I should be doing when it is tempting to be a backseat driver, when in reality I just need to enjoy the ride.

Pam